Asian Dating Age

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In the Asian online dating world it is not rare for a elder gentlemen to wed a younger lady. If you ask why this is the state of affairs, you will get a diverse amount of comments. The negative reasons more often than not have to do with an Asian lady wanting an older gentlemen for financial reasons. I have had some inform me that this not a negative reason, but what stems from this argument are a variety of unpleasant comments. For example, "gold diggers" "mail order bride" etc.

In other Asian Dating Articles I have written, I agreed with the assessment that Asian ladies want to improve their living status by stating that most ladies want to better their status financially, no matter the ethnicity. So this line of reasoning smells of hyprocacy.

Let us get back to some of the more constructive reasons. Most of the following remarks are from me asking other Asian ladies this question: "Why do you like older men?" or I may of asked: "Does age matter?"

Several ladies told me a younger guy is not established. They are looking for somebody who is sincere and they seem to think an older man is more serious concerning marriage. They did affirm that a younger guy may not have the monetary means to come to their country to go to see them and uphold a courtship. When hard-pressed why they thought this, most merely stated "who would have a better job, a 20 year old guy or a 40 year old guy." I did not get into the potential of a younger man having a good career with the ladies, but for the record, this seems to be the belief system of Asian women.

This tells me that these ladies ponder the criteria. They take getting in a long distance relationship genuinely and don't want to run the risk of being drawn in with someone who doesn't have the staying power considered necessary to be involved in a long distance courtship. In some cases, these ladies had previously experienced a relationship with a younger man and after six months was dump. Getting your heart broken is no fun and most Asian ladies think a younger man is more probable to do just that. To these ladies it doesn't make sense to get mixed up with someone that may not be able to afford to fly to their country to meet them (this is one of the INS criteria for the K-1 process). These ladies recognize this requirement and put more emphasis on this criteria then a lady living in the states would.

All this talk about young versus old, led me to question the ladies motives. I simply asked, "if age is a factor in a man's ability to see a courtship through to marriage, is this your biggest reason to marry?". That's when the subject of love came up. Most Asian ladies still want to be attracted to a gentlemen, but what attracts them versus what attracts an American lady seem to differ. Behavior is a big attraction. Most Asian ladies say if a man acts like a gentlemen, in time they find him very attractive and fall in love. Asian ladies don't put as much emphasis on first looks or impressions. They are more open to courtship until they get to know your character.

This discussion about behavior, courtship, etc. led us back to the discussion of a man's age. Again, most ladies believe an older gentlemen have rid themselves of his wild oats. They believe older men have learned how to treat a lady like a lady. They believe a younger male isn't as patient and is more likely to have a wondering eye or worse, a wondering sexual drive.

After many conversations and emails, I can put this discussion about age in perspective. Age is a factor only because of an Asian ladies belief system. However, other criteria does weigh in. In this case, I can use my marriage to my wife as an example. My Asian Bride was courted by several gentlemen. I was far from the richest or best looking. However, I did have a stable job and could afford to be in a long distant relationship (I saved my $). Some of the gentlemen who had more money then I, actually turn her off. Even though she wanted to meet a gentlemen who could afford to be in such a relationship, she was not going to be bought. Any gentlemen who tried to shower her with elaborate talk about his wealth was crossed off her list. I was much more humble and gracious. That generated feelings which led us down the trail to matrimony. There is no doubt if I couldn't of afford to follow through with the courtship, my wife would of had no choice but to find someone else.

My example is representative. These ladies are not looking for riches, but steadiness. They are not looking for a young stud, but a man who will treat her with admiration, a man who wants to get married and will stay the course through thick and thin. Asian ladies just happen to believe that nearly all older men fit this criteria. All I got to say to the older guys is count your lucky stars. For you younger guys you need to show the lady you are the exception to their belief system. Don't try to buy them. Show them you care, you are serious about courting them, and that you have the determination and maturity to make dreams come true.

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psyche18

Posted on 08/12/2011 09:26 pm

Hmmm... online or not I do not know why older men are attracted to me... atleast 5 years age gap.... maybe because of my mature physique or as they say an old soul aura... but gees... i am more attracted with same age too... hmmmm... maybe not because of the age but the maturity is... naaaaah.... when someone start to boast their wealth, it is a big turn off.... hey am not here as for sale.... nor applying to be a slave wife... I am looking for a partner... and a team mate to build our own family....

pauline

Posted on 01/28/2011 02:02 am

love cant measure any matters here on earth, not in an ages, or any things the most important is to work out things which can make both happy in every situation you must enter. love conquers all.

curt4

Posted on 01/24/2011 07:38 am

Thanks for posting your findings Dan. It's interesting but some of the concerns you mention the ladies having are ones that I share about the ladies. I've been written to by younger women and while I am interested I tend to shy away from them. The reason mostly is I am not sure of them remaining for the long haul. I believe different sites also attract different types of people. With some a person's chances of meeting someone like-minded is better. Thanks again for an informative read!

Traveler1983

Posted on 09/23/2010 11:35 pm

I know a guy whose in his 60s married to a 20 something and he's not faithful to his filipina wife. Maybe it's the exception to the rule. I think the problems are 2 ways. The younger women think the younger guys are going to cheat and break up with them. While the older guys think the women are going to cheat on them and break up with them after they take their money.

goranbockman

Posted on 05/24/2010 01:16 pm

Hi Guys and Gals,

I am sometimes approached online by ladies, as young as 19, and I advice them against anything other than friendship, with that kind of age difference. What could we possibly have in common, I ask myself, and the answer is 'probably not much'.
A mature woman (25 upwards) with interests in life is different. A big difference in age is no obstacle per se; a difference in maturity is and would soon sour a relationship. Take care out there in the Cyber jungle :)

sunnydelight

Posted on 02/21/2010 05:02 pm

Ok, here goes ... I live in Visayas, and nearly all of the ex-pats I know, and I know all of them on my Island ... have much younger women in their lives. I personally, am attracted to a woman who has experienced life, and is through making big mistakes. Please remember guys, everyone makes mistakes ... so your 20-something girlfriend, will be making her share, right? Me personally, this is why I seek someone near my age.

jhorissa

Posted on 02/05/2010 01:53 am

For me..to be honest i really love a guy who is age closer than me...but his guys will only lead me to tears..cos most of young guys are don't like commitment ..they only love happy go lucky..going to bar..and take note..they only love sex..and if they think they feel tired of you..they go and lost w/o saying bye bye...unlike older guy..they really know what they want.they respects you .aside from that i feel secured if am in older guy cos i know he will love me truly and not cheat me.

dan

Posted on 02/04/2010 01:39 pm

Thanks everyone for their comments. I think age is one factor in many in a relationship. Surely if one feels strongly about another person, I wouldn't let age get in the way of your feelings. I must admit, if you do see a too wide of a gap in age difference you may get a stronger reaction. I have met guys in their 60's married to a lady in her early 20's. I can understand why a lot of people would question such a wide difference. But ultimately, the couples together are the ones who have to determine if it will work or not -- not me.

I won't say I'm the most worldly guy in the world, but every culture passes judgment on what they believe is the standard for love. The U.S. is no exception. If anything, they are the worse offenders of all. We have many feminist groups in the U.S. who pass judgment on American men who marry an Asian lady. They categorize all East-West marriages as men looking for a submissive wife. Man, they have not met my wife =:). In any case, I'm all for couples determining their own fate as long as someone is not being forced to do something they don't want to and they are legal age. Other than that, society can jump in the lake and stay out of personal lives of happily married couples.